mangkuk

2008-07-16T20:32:00.002+08:00

I jst edited sme stuff and i jst finished th final touch ups fr shukri's letter. Teehee. I miss Hakim so so much. Wnder whr he is and wht he's doing. Haishie waishie. So sad eh. Th friendship we used to hve jst cldnt exist anymre. He was mre thn a friend to me. Mre thn a girlfriend to me. Its sad tht people chnge. I wrote Hakim a letter too. Teehee, specially to show him tht I've always been and always will b here fr him. I miss you, Hakim. And bf.

2008-07-14T21:03:00.002+08:00

so hoopla abt sentosa ah, we all had fun. haha and bby pretended he was my ferry th whle day. haha, crry me frm th water. *feeling mariah carey video clip* and we were tlking abt buns tday in biology, and jaja had to mde a very tk perlu commnt. "TASHAH HAS TH BIGGEST BUNS!" and yu hao continued. so i said, you hve buns too yu hao =.= HAHA, TOTAL BURN KEPPE! thn pape ahr eh?

2008-07-14T17:40:00.001+08:00

we wnt to sntosa ytd. i shll blog again ltr. chnging bby's skin and mine too.

2008-07-11T23:24:00.002+08:00

No I can't forget this evening, nor your face as you were leaving. But I guess that's just the way the story goes. You always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows. Yes it shows. No I can't forget tomorrow, when I think of all my sorrows. When I had you there, but then I let you go. And now it's only fair, that I should let you know. What you should know. I can't live, if living is without you. I can't live, I can't give anymore.

2008-07-11T22:52:00.001+08:00

jst gt hme frm work, and terribly missing kacang sukro. and and and, sunday we're heading to sentosa w cousins. yay us. so ther'll b me, lily, nanu, lily's bf and mine :D i thnk thts all i hve to say.

ps, whts w lesbians thse days! omg ew? but nvm ahr. it means mre guys will keep their ego dwn and their girls bck on trck. yay boys. boo lesbians! :3

2008-07-10T22:45:00.002+08:00

idk whts hppening and i dnt wish fr anyth bad to hppen. i jst wnt my old life bck. i regret being a rebellious girl okay! i rly am. im sorry fr evrythng. nth hppend at home. i jst felt th need for friends and all of my friends are ignoring me. like it or not, i will cry in sch tml. i admit, as far as my piercing goes, i am still a timid coward. i hve no more cnfidence in me and thr is nth i cn do abt anyth. no one cares anymore. i jst wnt my bf here. who apparently doesnt care too. i give up on anyth and everyth. will someone jst shut me up and hold me? i cried in th dark in my room last night. i faced th wall and laughed at it. and thn i cried and punched th wall. which apparently hurt my knucles. no, i do not feel ashamed of saying this. BECAUSE AFTERALL I AM AN ATTENTION SEEKER. fuck you, fuck friends, fuck bestfriends. to hell w all of you. jst fuck you liars.

2008-07-10T17:04:00.002+08:00

anw, hun, make yrself free this sunday. compulsory! we're going sentosa(again), baby!

Details:

Venue: Meet at Harbourfront inter
Time : 11am SHARP! <--mcm skinbyrd tk? SHARP SKINS! hahas, jk.
Date : 13th July 'o8

Period.
--------------------------------------

2008-07-10T16:32:00.004+08:00

You know, I've never felt love like this before. And now that you're here, Muhd Shukri, I don't want you to go. I want to hold on. I don't want any of our misunderstandings to part us. Not now, not ever. I take you as my brother, my guide, my faith, my bestfriend, my love and my everything. I just want you to realise that ever since your presence, it made me real the more finer things in life. I know we haven't really gone anywhere. We've only been born for 18 days. But it feels like 18 months to me. As egoistic as I am to have started every sentence with an "I", I(there I go again) want it to always be "Us". You'll always be my baby. I don't want to bother about what anyone says about us. Let them be, let them laugh. We'll laugh along because we know they have never gone anywhere near what we are right now in such a short time. Never have I missed a phone call from/for you. It's been growing inside me. I think of you everytime. I love to brag about you to my friends, but they never listen. So I'll continue talking to myself keeping no one else but me satiated; Constantly reminded of you. I've come to see that I'll never make it anywhere on my own. I need a holding hand, something like yours. You'll be there when I fall. And upon hearing you always referring to me as 'Wifey', I feel so proud. Like there is nothing that can ever come in my way. And I know it may be hard for you to believe but, I will lose everything and my life will crumble if you ever leave me. It almost happened once, and I don't want it to happen ever again. If you ever doubt my love, let me know. I want to always rekindle my love for you. Let every mountain on the face of this Earth crumble, let the sky fall. My love for you will never disappear. I don't want it to be months. I'd rather we aim years. I wish to celebrate every birthday/occassion/monthversary/anniversary and everything else in between with you. Let every picture I take include you. To prove as how much I depend on you. Yes, I depend on you. You are my life machine, my oxygen tank. When I feel like letting go, I will always think of what you are to me. You are everything I depend on. I never want to let go. I want our soon-to-come rings to be there till forever. Let it rust on my finger, I don't care. I love you so.

2008-07-10T15:09:00.003+08:00

idk why im blogging everything i do zeh. hahas, so anw, i jzt bought film fr th camera. i laid out my ideaz on a mind map ald, and thus, i hve to take shotz of theze few:

Chemicalz overflowing
Toyz overflowing
Ideaz overflowing *
People overflowing out of a room/houze *
Picturez overflowing out of a film roll in an open camera'z back cabin *
Water overflowing out of a bathtub
Contactz overflowing from a phonebook//PENDING!
Room overflowing w water till everything floatz *
Pond oveflowing and a dead old oak tree at th zide.

2008-07-10T13:31:00.002+08:00

argh! i jst rmb! i hve art prep to doooooo! dang! i need to go take pics of things tht "overflow". so i hve a few ideas. i was thinking of drawing a brain w ideas overflowing. a tap inside a cup of water w fire overflowing. a house filled w people w th walls abt to explode w people overflowing. so we need as many pics as we cn gt. so i wnt to buy film for my slr. finally something i cn use it fr. teehee ^^

2008-07-10T12:28:00.001+08:00

It's a typical love story
Started out as friends
We met way back when
This is just a typical love story
The boy you never wanted just steals your heart
I never saw it comin' 'til I fell so hard

I always made up some excuse
Saying you that weren't my type
Didn't want to face the truth
Didn't want to cross that line
'til one day I saw you
Out of the corner of my eye
You were flirting with some girl
And inside I thought I would die

Can't believe its happening
When I least expect it
My prince under disguise
How you fooled me with those eyes
When I feel like letting go
In your arms is where I know
I am wrong
From the beginning we always belong

2008-07-10T11:57:00.001+08:00

so i wnt to sch tday and i went home after first period. i felt sick and whilst waiting at th office, i vomitted -.- wow, thanks. and i got home to sleep. whn i woke up, i felt sooooo cold seh! thn i ask bibik to touch my forehead, panas woi! thn bby went to work training tday. sigh, all th best b, ily. insyallah evrything goes well okay, hun :D

ps, idk wht he has in him, i jst love him so (:

2008-07-09T23:39:00.004+08:00

oh hey, and i frgt to tll you. i'll b hving a project tday at night ^^

ps , and i cnt seem to undrstnd why my top posts disappear as soon as i scroll down on my blog. anyone knws why? do tag. thanks.

2008-07-09T23:32:00.003+08:00

i wnted to give up blogging fr tonight and hit th sheets right after i clled bby. but as soon as i made my phne cll and aftr i hung up, i jst felt so mch love tht kept me going. you see wht he does to me and my big boobs. he's like th energizer bunny i love. oh well, i shall b doing up th prfile tday. why am i even tlling you all this tk perlu stuff. its only fr me to knw! you guys ahr...

2008-07-09T23:11:00.004+08:00

As you cn see, I upgraded my blog skin! Ta-daa(!) I used th layout and added a bg. Creditted as follows. I will b editting th Profile part. As follows, bf's pic will b thr. So until, we take a decent picture together, there wnt b a pic of us both. Haha, b ahr siah! Anw take pic. Thn my hair like cockup -.- So wait, hor! Hahas. Bye, loves. Will b meeting Hun one of these days. I miss him crazy.

2008-07-09T11:19:00.002+08:00

nbdy cres abt th good hnd anymre. nt even th othr hnd along w th shoulder. nw all i hve to do is dirct all mvements and intntions on my own.

smtimes, i ctch you praying to smeone highr.
smtimes, i ctch you wtching me as i slp.

as far as prches go, yrs ws th only one i stood on.
as far as doorbells go, no one wld ever ring mine.
as far as you are, thts as far as i ever gt.

flthy flthy faith;
yre always singing me to slp.

2008-07-09T09:11:00.002+08:00

ahh, i dint go to sch again tday. ibu asked me if i wnted to go to polyclinic tday, and i said no need. nw, i need th polyclinic! MC AKU! aiyeryer. anw tday, if god willing, i'll b seeing hun again. after a long period of what, 5 days? or so ahr. wah so long ald nvr see him. see hw ahr. hopefully cn ahr. cos bby has his training at 2pm - 4pm tday. i rly rly miss his xoxo :( anw, bugis is jst a mere 5 stops away kan sayang? so anw, i hope he's not too tired to come meet me. buhuhu, my lungs are hurting, my head is spinning, my voice is rocking, my nose is dripping and my heart is missing :D

2008-07-08T16:54:00.002+08:00

Umm yeah, Shukri got th job. Someone's going to go work at Swensen's. Yay kepe. Oh oh, you, just so you'd know, I like th Celebrity Sundae, Frosted Chocolate Malt and Sticky Chewy Chocolate tau. So paham paham ahr kay ^^ Hahas. So I had a list of things to get and they were super stagnant. Now, I can start striking them off th list. Lashie and extensions are over. Now it's just th clothes. Which I don't find important anymore. Cos I have new MNG clothes. But one thing I want right now, is th hoodie at Penny. Not THAT important but it would surely b lovely to get it :) It's okay actually. I actually need to get SBS ready first. Then we can talk about everything else. But right, I don't think I have sufficient cash to do it. So that's one very big problem. Didi will b getting his pay like real soon. And I have to go tuition today. And if I don't go, gaji potong. But how! Aiyer, idk what to do. I'm trying to get as much cash as I can. And idk how. But I hope SBS gets to b carried out ah. So to whoever, I hope ya'll can chip in like just abit to make it a success ahr. I really want it to b a success ahr. Nevermind ahr, despite me being sick, I shall go give tuition. I don't want to b short of cash. So that means, I'll have a total of $50 from Didi, $100 from my pay(roughly) and $80 from my school money I'm sacrificing. Sigh I hope it'll b enough. And I totally forgot about th present. Shit ah.

2008-07-08T14:26:00.002+08:00

argh! im sick sick sick. i came home w a cough and flu ytd. and when i woke up tday, my cough turned into wheezing and my flu became a fever. now, i have cough, flu, fever and wheezing. so i didnt go to sch. so i tried clling shuk to complain to him and get some pity, a few times tday. heh heh. its like thrs no line lah okay? idk wht hppened to yr phne, but you better cll me bck. hehhs ^.^ my wheezing is hurting my lungs.

2008-07-07T22:07:00.002+08:00

hi. argh! idk wht to say. im jst so frustrated and i miss you. i wna hold yr hand again, sweetheart. please? do come and drop by again. i miss yr irritating laugh. i miss yr cheeky smile. i miss you whn you sulk. come home to mama, baby. just come.

I learnt that love ages, as all things do. It is fiery and electric in the beginning, volatile and burning bright. When it is old, it is sturdy a little rusted, but having a familiar feeling like a teddy bear worn thin with caresses and hugs. When love is young, you WANT one another, pine for each other like animals, screeching, and intense. When love is old, you yearn for one another, restless bodies on the mattress when the space beside is unoccupied. I yearn for you. I don't need you, but the fact that we have stood steadfast to one another, surviving tsunamis and secrets is the testament to our love. Like we froze in time motionless, through suffering summers and winter rain.

2008-07-07T01:25:00.002+08:00

He's really great to me, it's even more apparent to me in times like these because he is just THERE. Like, the most dependable. It's amazing. He makes me feel safe, and it's really new to me and really nice. He's always telling me the nicest things too, I still can't really get over it. The way he makes dope little sweet rhymes, it tingles my fancy little heart.

2008-07-06T01:45:00.001+08:00

i wnt to give you everythng. i wnt to b thr fr you. i wnt to love you and to hold you. i wnt to pmper you w anything and everythng i cn get my hands on. i wnt to b th one you turn to. i wnt to b th wnt you come home to. i wnt to b yr everythng. i hope you will to.

2008-07-05T16:15:00.002+08:00

Im still waiting fr th guy who will cll me beautiful and not hot. Who will do anything he can to make sure I'm not upset even if its because of him. Who calls me back when I hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch me sleep. I'll still wait for the guy who kisses me forehead. Who wants to show me off to the world when I'm in my sweats. Who holds my hand in front
of his friends. Waiting for the one who is constantly reminding me of how much he cares about me and how lucky he is to have me. Waiting for the one who turns to everyone and says "thats her." I'll cry when I see him and I'll do anything to have him.

Ps, i love you Muhd Shukri.

2008-07-05T14:19:00.002+08:00

"They coming thru th windows, they coming thru th doors. They breaking down th big wall, they sounding th horn."
- M.I.A.

so, ive been M.I.A. sick tday. so so sick tht its disgusting. M.I.A. over shone Travis McCoy in my hall of fameeee. whees.

---------

so anw, i cnt go wtch fireworks tday :( but jaja and mint gg. aiyer, nt fair. nvmind. thrs fireworks every week. hopefully monday i get to go meet baby again. miss him so :( thn next sat cn go survey th nike sb thn malam fireworks. okay okay? oh btw hun says if thrs anything, he'll jst standard-ly come over to my hse. hahahaha. neh cnfirm nak main ngn areeq je kan! ngada ngadzx. tkpe. at least dpt piggy back everytime quite okay ald ahr. hahas, so i'll b clling baby later. but nt nw ahr. cnfirm blm bgn pun. hehhs^^

2008-07-05T11:20:00.002+08:00

so i hve this pic of Mia on my diary right, and i hvnt heard her music. so tday due to my super free time, i decided to go listen to Mia. and i hve been stuck ever since. hehhs. electronicxz. oh and she's indian btw. hot tracks ahr please. aiyakaiyak, i miss baby already :(

2008-07-04T22:58:00.001+08:00

so i met bby tday(: yre so cute, i love you so and thnx fr th piggyback. hahas, da tu je, thts all i hve to say.

2008-07-04T17:51:00.002+08:00

i gt nth to say. i try to make things better, and all my mom can do is blame me blindly. didnt even ask me first. nvmind, i dnt wnt to say anything ald. i shll keep quiet. since th day i was born, ive been waiting to die. and everyday in between, its just a waste of my time.

2008-07-03T17:46:00.002+08:00

I remember when I met you couldn’t get you off my mind even when I close my eyes. All I could think was you gta be mine. There’s no replacement for your smiling pretty eyes. The way you never cursed at me, even when I made you cry. We’ve come a long way, since that very first day. You made me feel like I’ve got reason to live. Yre my pride, my possession, my medallion, my best friend. Through the drama, pain, funerals and family fights, not for one second, did you ever leave my side. That’s why I love you boy, I rlly swear I do. And if I lose you boy, I'll nvr forgive myself. Until I die, until I’m gone, until I can’t see light anymore. You'll still be my kind, my everything cos you've been so good to me. Until I die, until I’m gone, until my last words have been told. Until I die, until I pass, cos our love was meant to last.

So before my eyes close and my soul goes home, these were words that I never told you. You were everything to me, my last hope, my last dream, and on my last breath, I will tell you this. You are my sunrise and my sunset, my best friend, who I would share my last dollar with. You were the last of my faith. In these last days and please let it be you to kiss away these last tears to fall from my face until my last hour, I’m yours. My last hug, my last kiss, the last smile on my lips. But my last regret was this that I never even got a chance to tell you this tell you this.

In the blink of an eye, when I’m gna meet my demise, and live only as a memory deep in the mind. But until that day comes when I don't breathe anymore, just know who I lived life for. I used to walk in the darkness with no real purpose in life. Never blinded, just never really cared about life. I used to say once you’re born you’re just waiting to die. And every day in between is just a waste of some time. But in time I was convinced that I was far from the truth. Believe it or not I found truth the night I met you, so just know that if there’s life after death I’m a wait for you there, to love you forever, for real.

2008-07-03T16:47:00.001+08:00

Constantly let down by people who I supposedly trust. Constantly trying to find someone I can always count on. Constantly crying for help. Constantly waiting for someone to come around. Constantly burrying my head in the ground. Constantly making excuses for other people. Constantly crying myself to sleep. Constantly giving-up on people and life. I am constantly trying to find someone I know doesn't exist. So why do I keep trying?

2008-07-03T15:54:00.002+08:00

I don't understand how I'm supposed to live my life. And I search for someone who can understand who I am at my own level. Not the face I put on everyday.

Intuition is so fickle. If you saw that I was obviously distraught and asked me if I was okay, chances are I would say that everything was alright. But at the same time, I'm looking for that person who will pry into my life and show me the 'light'. The only way I'd let my guard down is if I felt comfortable with that individual. But there are so many things that need to be right for that to happen. And I've come to the conclusion that I really hate putting the time and effort into that developing relationship. But it has all changed since I met you.

I guess what I'm really getting down to is the fact that I really had all this at one point, and I moved away from it all. I had 3 really great friends who would have done anything for me. I had a great relationship with my parents and my family. I was comfortable with who I was. I felt accomplished and held pride in what I was doing. And there was hope and a promise of a good future. Things weren't perfect, but I was happy. Then I moved to the middle of nowhere, where the only person who knew me knew me as me. My safety net was gone and I was my own back-up. Oh, how couldthis have happened? But things changed, when I met my boyfriend.

I want the textbook romance. I want to meet someone who thinks with his head and acts with his heart. I want to meet someone who is well versed in empathy. Someone with enough common sense to be timid around me, and enough curiosity to stick around. I want to meet a guy with a sense of adventure, and humor.

I want to meet a guy who's passionate and thrives off of his own ambition. I want to meet someone who's had a troubled past, but has dealt with it in his own time. I want someone who listens, who knows when to open up, and knows when I need to open up. I want someone who's inventive. I want someone who will never take me for granted in the present, and regret it in hindsight. I want to fall in love.

I want to feel useful again. I want to feel like I can turn to him. I want to catch him staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I want to go somewhere with him. I want to feel that warm tingly feeling when I'm laying with him underneath the stars. I want to cook for him, and I want him to hate it, and tell me. I want to find out that he's not what I thought he was. I want him to find out that I'm not what he thought I was. I want him to take me in his arms and encourage me to smell him. I want to stop being afraid of growing bitter and start being afraid of disappointing him.

I want to fall in love, and I want him to fall in love. The kind of love that makes me question evolution, surely, something this perfect was created. I want the kind of love that takes my breath away when I see him sipping coffee. I want the kind of love that gives me hope in this world again. I want the kind of love that I can tell my grandkids about.

And I've found all this wonder in a man I can rely on to fall back upon and trust to catch me. I'll take my chances with him and I want him to take his too. Nothing will get in my way(except my ugly hair). First I liked how funny he was. Then, I loved the way he does it. Next, we fell in love. And now, I don't want him to leave. Tomorrow, I want to wake up to him snoring beside me. I'll do whatever it takes to make him stay. Tell me he will? Oh please, please.

2008-07-02T23:07:00.002+08:00

gah, again, im thinking of having a calendar of upcoming dates in my blog. sigh sigh sigh, wht do i do/say/write. shld i? shld i not? pasal calendar un aku stress. oh btw, i hve long hair. i didnt expect it to b wht it is. its so... teara did 32 and it looks good. i did 30 and its like only on th back of my head. like wth. but nvmind whn i tie it to th side, it looks okay i guess? so how am i going to face the sch tml. blablabla. but i shall wait for te'ah to lend me cash. for abang to pay me my money. oh yeah oh yeah. thn i'll get it done properly. and teara better b ther lah.

2008-07-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

Coming up beyond belief
On this coronary thief
More than just a leitmotif
More chaotic, no relief
I'll describe the way I feel
Weeping wounds that never heal
Can the savior be for real
Or are you just my seventh seal?

No hesitation, no delay
You come on just like special K
Just like I swallowed half my stash
I never ever want to crash
No hesitation, no delay
You come on just like special K
Now you're back with dope demand
I'm on sinking sand
Gravity
No escaping gravity
Gravity
No escaping... not for free
I fall down... hit the ground
Make a heavy sound
Every time you seem to come around

2008-07-02T22:20:00.001+08:00

maybe things are finally falling into place.

i'm still unsure about how to make myself full. i doubt what people say about love, especially that it completes you. i wonder if it isn't something else i'm looking for. but i'm grateful for him, and if it ended today, i'd still be grateful for the experience. giving me your heart will only result in me giving you mine.

2008-07-02T22:07:00.002+08:00

i wna keep a pet. i do i do. id prolly wna get a little guinea pig of my own. but carlo th cat might jst eat th hell outta it. but nvmind. i shll find a way! so so so,
I miss my boy; it's almost disgusting how he is all I can talk about to anyone anymore. I was working a night shift yesterday and I love being in the upstairs all alone with no kids making out or gothic kids in my way; I can organize everything with as much work as I can muster and there's no one to screw it up! I just had Taco Bell and my tummy is happy. But I miss my boy ever so much.

And to you know who, I'm rubbing it in your face. Too bad, I'm mean. And you waiting for me, and wanting to CHECK to see if I'm like before, there you go. I'm mean. Just like before. Boy, things would not have turned out this way if you didn't "hide".

2008-07-02T16:42:00.002+08:00

thisfis isfis plainfain dumbfumb. justfust plainfain dumbfumb. firstfirst youfou wantfant mefe. thenfen ifi gofo pooffoof. thenfen ifi likedfike youfou. thenfen youfou dontfont bofotherfer. andfan nowfow thatfat imfin leafeavingfing, youfou wantfant mefe tofo stayfay. whatfat thefe hellfell isfis yourfor profoblemfem lahfah pleasefease.

2008-06-30T19:16:00.002+08:00

going, and coming. i thght i lost myself on th way down ego hill. but th only thing i lost was you. and we never knw wht we got until its gone. i cnt love you. nt nw. myb ltr if time still allows me to. but nt nw. we're not meant to b jst yet. th time jst isnt thr. why nt, we frgt each othr. strt anew, and let fate introduce us properly this time. i wna meet you in my afterlife. lets?

2008-06-29T16:46:00.001+08:00

"Humans cannot create from nothingness. Humans cannot accomplish anything without holding onto something. Humans are not gods. Pain is something a man must endure in his heart. And since the heart feels pain so easily, some believe life is pain. You are delicate, like glass."

Fuck what you know,
can't you see it's shallow?
Every time you swallow,
do you get a taste of what you've become?

Regrets, they wake you in the morning,
you shower but you’re not clean.
Please just listen...

I still remember the days
when you didn’t feel the need to escape,
and every demon you never face
is the reason you're not safe

Please understand that you've had every chance.

You've had all the time,
all time in the world...

2008-06-29T16:41:00.000+08:00

I think I have become one of those people with intimacy issues. One of those people I always talked bad about because they couldn't or wouldn't open themselves up. I find myself planning days ahead, what excuse I can make up to tell him so that I don't have to go out with him. I'm lying and I'm not even sure if it's a relationship yet, that's bad... I'm not sure why, I never have a bad time there. It's just, something holding me back. I always feel like I have one foot out the door. I'm not sure if it's me and I have been this way for awhile, or if it's him. I can't imagine it's him, he's done nothing wrong. I don't know, maybe all those times I thought I was okay with breakups and heartbreak, maybe they affected me in ways I didn't see at the time. I don't know how to fix it. I feel very torn and for once I don't know how to fix myself. I don't want to be like this, I don't want to be holding back the way I am. But right now I can't help it. It's not anyone else, I don't want anyone else or like anyone else, or think I should be with anyone else. It's not the rushing of relationships, and I am not rushing this one anyhow. Maybe it's just the years of being carefree about it, something subconsciously is making it different this time. Fuck.

I would say 'maybe it's for the best', but I have no real reason to. Other than the fact that my fucked up brain is making me think that he has one foot out the door, too. I always think that way about him, maybe because I got slightly burned by him in the past. But he's done nothing to make me feel that way other than that, and I know in my heart I am OVER that. It's nothing to me now. All he ever does is say nice things to me. How he hopes I don't go away again, how much he loves spending his weekends and nights with me. How beautiful I am.

"You're the best"
"You make me so happy"
"I really like you"

Any other girl would be swooning up a storm, and I do, but, I don't feel like I appreciate it as much as I should. Hell. I do appreciate it. But something in me is making me think that it's all too good to be true. I hate my brain. I hate thinking. I hate that I can't be as naive and carefree as I want. I hate that I can't just let myself be happy for godamn once.

2008-06-29T15:45:00.002+08:00

haha, okaye i hve alot of time la to post bout camp. but th thing is, aku malas. haha, sorry ehhhh. ala sikit sikit bley ahr. otw to malacca, slept on azmi. azmi slept on me, thn tuka org. i shre my bntal w dinie. thn da smpai, wtvr wtvr, kite dudok kt seminar hall to eat. okay wtvr. thn malam, me, jaja and mary jump on th bed and video-ed ourselves jumping. thn after tht, malam we cnnt sleep. so after i bathed, th 3 of us bathed together. yes i bathed after i bathed. so we took pics ofourselves bathing together and wtvr. thn dino clled to talk to mai and thn we asked him to buy fr us food. which he didnt. so thn th chinese people wnt out to get their own food. in which they got it. so they tak habis 3 packets. and we malays were sitting at th corridor making coffee and tea so we took it and ate it. haha. thn dino carried mary on his back and azmi carried me on his back. thn dino and azmi had a running competition. yes, w us on their backs. hahahahahahahas, so fun lah. thn we hugged th boys goodnight and kissed their cheeks. thy hugged us and kissed us and we went to sleep. actually we hugged and kissed alot of times lah. cos we girls couldnt get enough of them and neither could they. so gyea wtvr. we hug and kiss so many times. hahahaha, thn we went to sleep at ard 2+. thn next day we buffet breakfast, thn we headed to port dickson. in th bus, jaja tdo tepi aku. thn, i pinjamed her earpiece. bcus my brother lost mine. thn i used th headband, covered my eyes and to hold th earpiece in place. i slept like a rock while listening to music. so gyeah whtv. wasnt much fun either. ah, then. da smpai port dickson, wtvr wtvr first day. thn, ade obstacle course la wtvr lah. i fell somewhere, idk where. but i mustve fell because i hve this very long and deep cut on my leg. idk how i got it ahr kan. idk idk. thn, we crawled into a longkang with water and mud and stank like shite. so we all got on our hands and knees. wtvr. thn wtvr shit else. thn after tht we go archery. okay mepek tu. thn we went to gokart. tht was abit fun ahr. thn paintball. paintball lame sikit. thn, malam g dorm, cnnt sleep. so me and th othr 8 girls, went out of th dorm and went to whrvr ahr. oh and i fed a horsie. so cute th horse. ate frm my hands. yeah wtvr. thn th chinese girls went to their guy friends' rooms. which was far away ahr okay. thn us malay girls went to the guys' rooms too. but theirs was jst bside ours so it was quite okay lah. thn we asked fr smth and we got it and we and shao qing and th rest were doing smth in th toilet of our dorm. was fun okay. i even brought in a chair. hahahaha. we did smth illegal. wahwahwahwahwahwah. thn next day we went jungletrekking. hendra first marker. akiff second. me third. we saw pocong. so gyeah wtvr bout tht. th chinese people didnt see th pocong but we did so alhamdulillah nothing happened. thn next day, team 2 won th tie breaker. and jyeah we got to do wht we wnted to. we went to paintball. jyeah mepek lor. th oth teamns went swimming lah gokart lah whtvr. thn at night campfire, azmi became our model. th team had to made him th sexiest guy ahr. thn we used rubbish bags and newspapers ahr. wtvr. thn gyeah. me and mary had to do th cat walk w him. funny shit lah please. thn after tht, our team won top 5. thn we all had to return to ealge ranch's function hall. so th top 5 had to dance erotic. hah. so azmi crawled on th floor like wtvr please. thn blahblahblah. dino's dick slipped out. tht was th funniest thing ever lah okay. thn continue continue, we all went to sleep tht night. next day we made our way home. dinie sat beside me. otw home, whilst everybdy was sleeping, me, azmi, mary, dinie looked at evryone and we closed their aircons. we laughed and laughed. thn after we ate at th check point, they watched th longest yard. i lied on dinie's lap and slept like a baby. thn dinie so ticklish. he put his hands on my waist while i was sleeping on him kan. bfre tht, his hand was on my butt. thn so geli. so i turned ard ahr. i slept facing up this time. thn i put my hand on my tummy. so he put his hand on my hand. funny shit. i wnted to laugh but i tahan. and then, his hand kept slipping off on my tummy. so he had to always shift and put his hand on mine. hahahahaha. so funny lah tht boy. thn i fell asleep again. thn dinie fell asleep while sitting. thn his cap fell on my face. th first time, he angkat and put it back on. 2nd time it fell, i put his cap back on his head fr him. thn th 3rd time it fell, he let it b on my face. idiot. so thn we reached sg ald. we went bck to sch and all ahr. thn we teman-ed th boys to go play punching bag kejap. thn we all went home.i got home and nobody was home. i waited outside fr half and hour fr my mom to cme home. apparently, im too young to hold th house key. whatever, parents. so gyeah thn thts all im even bothered to write abt. bye :D

2008-06-28T15:46:00.001+08:00

wow, its only been 6 days and ive proved to myself tht im a stupid and useless girlfriend.

2008-06-28T13:14:00.001+08:00

okaye fine, sorry. i shall blog abt my camping trip tml sudah. im going out tday. tomorrow eh okaye? sorry ahr jagg.

2008-06-28T02:23:00.000+08:00

hieeeee, im bck frm malaysiaaaa! whee whaa whoo. camp was awesome. i shll blog everythin abt it tml okays.

2008-06-23T20:01:00.002+08:00

i may not b in time to wish you happy birthday on yr bday. bcs i wnt be in sg to wish a hppy bday. but do rmb, i rly wish fr yr happiness. you knw who you are. i care fr you w all of my heart, all of my soul. i rly wish you find yr true love and sttle dwn. this may nt b a good present to you at th moment, but trst me, in th future to come, you'll see this was a good decision made. im nt th one fr you. you dnt deserve me hving fights w you all th time. i knw lve hurts smetimes whn we do it right. but this is hurting too mch tht i dnt think its right. im srry. im srry i ever turned up in yr life. sry i hd to this to you. i dnt wnt to burden you. believe me, whn i count my blessings i count you twice. sorry so much. you'll find th one fr you one day, i promise. but i'll still b watching over you and loving you as usual okay? jst dnt mind me and my presence dear. i love you much :,)

2008-06-22T16:01:00.003+08:00

1. Alright, so have you ever actually sat down and thought about why you like the person you like?
jyeah i tried, and idk why.

2. Do you honestly think you could last a week without a computer or cellphone?
ive been phoneless fr idk hw lng.

3. Do you care about how you eat?
not rly ahr.

4. Have you ever gone out of your way to do something nice for someone?
way too many times.

5. When you get embarrassed what usually happens?
i'll look irritated, irritate th person im embarassed of and act super rude. hahaha.

6. Is there someone you don't really know but they bother you?
you could say so.

7. Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
i guess so uhr.

8. Do you call anyone babe?
not anyone specifically thou.

9. Whose car were you last in?
aunt nana's.

10. Last thing you ate?
bfre i answered this, i took biscuits.

11. Last thing you drank?
bfre i answered this, i took tea.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
online, otp, and texting rave.

13. What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
took th blanky and went bck to bed.

14. When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
idk hahaha.

15. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
5 cute hours.

16. What do you have planned for tonight?
movie marathon.

17. Who was the last person to make you laugh so hard?
idk.

18. Who was the last person to wear your clothes?
uhr, if my memory serves me right, it shld b mai.

19. Who was the last person you ran into unexpectedly?
forgot la.

20. Who's the last person you kissed?
nasir.

21. Do you ever turn your cellphone off?
its no where near me anw.

22. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
share as in jst share, tak main okay! shld b jaja, amy, and muhaimin.

23. Which of your friends live closest to you?
sch friends, shld b nabillah. behind only.

24. Is there anyone you regret ever meeting?
ya sia nasir.

25. Have you ever felt replaced?
oh yeah. and he replaced me good too.

26. Did you have a dream last night?
i dreamt i was making out w madey on th bed siaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Did you just wake up?
no.

What shirt are you wearing?
some very big tee w no shorts on!

Last movie you watched?
strangers.

Are you happy right now?
okay okay ahr.

What did you say last?
okay okay ahr. i said it out loud while answering it.

Are you excited?
very very.

What day is it today?
hari matahari.

Who made you laugh today?
no one.

Do you have any expensive jewelry?
ya.

Where do your cousins live?
west.
Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
i hve brothers, i dnt hve siblings.

Would you consider yourself to be spoilt?
nope.

What is your favorite subject in school?
recess.

Do you smile a lot?
:DDDD.

Do you have any talents?
art.

Do you have any children?
i dreamt of it thou.

Ever met someone famous?
everybody has, plus, rave is famous, akim is famous. hahahahahah!

Do you want to be famous one day?
uhr, dnt think so.

When is the last time you updated your blog?
just now, and now.

2008-06-22T15:56:00.004+08:00

Baseball Jersey;

Baseball Tees;

3/4 Like Rave's;

2008-06-22T15:02:00.003+08:00

Important:

Baseball jerseys. Its this super cool shirt, tht Andrew used to wear di zaman zaman b-boy die. Alah, it's th one tht has a funny collar and th pattern on th shirt is ONLY stripes tht go dwnwrds.
Baseball tees like th one i hve tu, th sleeve black thn th chest white tu kan? Ahr, i wnt more colours. Haha.
3 quarter fitting slacks, like those of Rave's.
Fitting hoodie. (Tell me if you spot 'em. I wna get two. One fr me and one fr someone^^)
Off shoulder shirt.

Not Important:

Fake lashiesssssss.
Liquid liner. Th one tht i hve is brown, i wnt blck.
Jazz pallas, nt blck, i ald hve blck.

I thnk tht's abt it uhr. So mch to buy, no money at all.

2008-06-22T13:10:00.002+08:00

jst as i guessed, the people knw who they are. but excpt fr #1, #2, #4, #6, #7, #8. and all bcs they dnt read my blog. bt its okay, i wish i cld post wht #5 sent to me. but i wnt lah. he/she mde me cry. i realised wht i said in tht post, was a little too much. and tht wsnt everything i had on my mind. but its okay, i'll alwys hve anthr time. and im rly sorry to say, but yre a little too late. daddy used to tease me and say," jangan tunggu lama-lama, nanti lama-lama, dia diambil orang. " ive always took it only as a little teaser. but now i realise tht im stck in between. i dnt wnt to say th real thing. one of th 8 might get hurt. and so will i. but if i dnt say it, im th one hurting. and anthr one of th 8 might b hurting too. either way i do it, i wld still b th one hurting myself. but if i say it, all 3 of us wld feel hurt. i wnt say it. i wont, i wont. i'll keep it till someone finds out. anyone, anyone. at this point, no one knws. nt even no. 3, god help me w is this one. i feel like a murderer. so used, so wasted and fine w it.

2008-06-21T20:01:00.000+08:00

okay, connection and blogger were both being pieces of burgers just now. i sat my glutius maximus down on th sofa and i typed everything i had to tdi. i typed a whole lot. i had 9 people enlisted, and written alot about on. and thn, connection went nuts and i pressed post and ta-daa, internet wasnt able to show your page. you stupid cnnt show page. bodoh! but its okay, th lst persn i wntd to say lot to was someone lah. tk imprtnt sngt, bt th first 8 were very imprtnt. so ther you go. idk if yre gna figure out which is you. bt cnsidering tht im a very predictble prson, you'll knw who you are. and pls pls pls dnt scld me? bcus i dnt evr wnt to tll you all tht. bt i suck at lying and keeping my own secrets. but my own secrts kill me. so thr you go, i spilled th beans. enjoy, waszup :)

2008-06-21T16:35:00.000+08:00

1. List some things you want to say to a number of different people but you know you never will.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.
4. Never discuss it again.
5. Don't drop hints on what the problem or mistake is.

1) I love you but I wish you'd stop denying me. Stop thinking that I am always lying to you. Just give me a week. Give me a whole week of trust, I promise you, you don't have to shout or scream. Just treat me the way you treat the rest. We're all human. We're all born the same way. I am tired of being treted like a criminal and stranger to everyone. Treat me proper, I cannot be and am not perfect. Please, I am only human. I am a young woman 15 years of age, give me time. Don't push me, do not pressure me, I will fall and die. Then, it would be your fault. I will learn to flap my wings by myself. I understand that you want to protect me being in my situation. But let me make my mistakes and learn from it, will you? Hold on to your stand. Doing what you're doing right now, you're not protecting me. You're torturing me. You don't let me make mistakes. How will I ever survive in my adulthood if you are always trying to stop me from my mistakes and making sure I go perfect. Be a good one, let me make my mistakes, and catch me when I'm falling. I'm a big girl. Stop treating me like something I'm not. You tell me that they don't love them by doing so, but that is where you are wrong. I see them happier with their own. They are more closely knitted. From what I see, you give them something they want as a whole, they give it back to you whatever you want. And they are worst than me. I don't do as much. Give me a chance to prove myself.

2) I don't want to be too late to tell you I love you as much as I do no. 1, but I do love you. And I want things to be as they were before. Don't say I can't take care of myself. I really can, and I'm good at it. Do not under estimate my gender. Let me enjoy my youth. Let me complete my teenage life before it's too late. My mistakes will make me skin a little bit thicker, makes my blood a little more of me, make me run a little bit faster, make me that much wiser and in the end, I will be my own fighter. I know the things I do are not what you consider up to par. You are so scared to death that I am going to do something that will "get me in trouble" which hey I probably will. But sometimes I worry that your "worries" are not just one sided. I worry that you feel that if one day I mess up so much that you will feel you can't be seen with me. I understand you want to protect me but you need to loosen up. Sometimes it's okay to do a little bad. I know that I do A LOT of bad, but usually the things that upset you are totally minor. I love you to death, don't get me wrong, because I know you want to protect me. But things will always turn out okay in the end. You hurt me a lot, no matter how pure your intentions were. My life changed that day forever. And I don't think I will ever fully recover. I care about you a lot and I know you do for me as well. The rest of what I want to say is about the same as no.1, therefore, I'm done.

3) You are my twin. We have shared so many stories and life experiences that it's 100% creepy. I love it however. I hope you know that you can always come to me with a problem because I will always drop what I'm doing and listen. I love and respect you as a person and look up to you. I'm jealous of your judgment and beauty and you will go far in your life. And to me, we share a womb together with no.4,as I will say later. But sometimes, I am afraid you will leave me and what we share will no longer be there. I am afraid that sometimes, in between our petty anger and foolish fights, we will somehow lose each other. And as scary as losing yourself, you are a part of me. Although sometimes I get a little angry and disappointed at the things you do to me, I don't show you that I am angry or sad. I don't want you to feel that because of me, you don't get what you want. And what I am saying might be wrong, but to me, you've been the best you have ever been. You've been there through my ups and downs, mostly downs, because we share our ups. At least I do. And never have I found something like this in anybody else. And I wouldn't want to spend my youth with any 2 other people. I can't imagine what it would be without you. But I do get jealous of no. 4 sometimes. But I love no. 4 just as much. Sometimes, I think that due to our different likings and thoughts, you prefer no.4, and I am not saying anything negative here. I just want you to know how it feels. But I am clearly okay wih it. I just don't want us to ever part. After this, we might be going our seperate ways, but I don't want us to change. Let's all grow up and old together. Get married, share our kids. Yours and hers treated like they are mine and mine as your own. Best if we had a house together. A big 'ol house. A very happy house. We split the bill, we split the stuff. Just how we split our ice creams, split our cash to get each other piercings just so we would all look alike. And to add, I'm afraid to point out your weakness. Boys. You're just a sucker as much as I am. I worry for you, I saw you change and this time. And I wasn't going to be blind. I will miss you this year but I worry for you in your new surrounding. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you are happier with him. If you feel like falling, just fall. Me and no.4 will be there. I love you like my own flesh and blood. So much so, that even blood couldn't make us any much closer than we already are. Oh, and you are beautiful, so stop putting yourself down!

4) I'm so so so glad I met you. You listen to my stories and smile, hug, and laugh along with such enthusiasm no matter how ridiculous or absurd they are. I totally love that. I love hearing you open up to me about stuff happening in your life and your bf, especially you know what, haha. I don't even know why. I want to stay close with you because you have become one of my closest friends and I love seeing you. I love going out with you and no. 3. You are not only my closest friends, but you have been a part of me as well. So much a part that we simply cannot part. And I don't know if that last sentence made sense. But you really did. You and I share what me and no. 3 cannot. Things like make up and other girly stuff. And I can't wait for our upcoming room sharing. You are my sibling and you are blunt when I need to hear it. I may get frustrated with you sometimes because you come off as full of shit when your bf treats you like shit. But I care about you no matter what. You are one of the few people that I can be completely hyper and immature around and feel comfortable about it. Thanks for never disowning me for it. I love you very dearly and no, nobody can ever replace you.

5) I'll never leave your side no matter how many things we go through. I know wht I do to you last time was unreasonable. And it is only right that you do it to me now. But I have fallen head over heels for you. And you tell me that you love me? But sometimes I fear that you're just saying it. Because, you send comments to tonnes of girls everyday, and you don't to me. I'm not asking you to do it, I'm just weighing the things you do for other girls. And I get pretty jealoused when I'm in love. Sometimes, it gets so bad that I think I'm in love with love. I'm not in love with you. But when I do another recount, you are the man of my dreams. I realise that I fantasize about you more than I do Travis McCoy. We don't talk, as in talk good. We have good chats, but empty chats. You give me one word replies and there I am struggling to impress you. I feel of no use to you. I feel like I'm wasting my time. It's like I know I will never get you but I kill myself trying to. It hurts me just as bad, and you, you silly boy, you don't do anything to change that. When I talk to you about wonderwoman and I tease you of her, it simply means I want your attention. I demand your attention and I want it now. But you never seem to get the point. When I tell you that I want to leave you, I want you to long for me. And at this critical point, I have given everything I ever had to you. Up to a point where I'm even trying to change my image for you. You're a superstar. I'm an everyday girl. We don't go. We don't blend. I am very estatic to even get to talk to you. But to fall in love with you and your sweet nothings, I feel very honoured. Words are cheap. Try putting something together to prove your love. If you meant it. I will try my best to stop my fingers from telling you I love you all the time, and practically, I'm afraid I say 'I love you' too many times. And even if you don't love me, I will try my very best to move you. But no matter what, you will always be the boy I come home to. Your arms are my safety net when I fall, and my holding hand when I fly. Will you please prove me wrong?

6) The way we met was so random. We didn't even know each other and we were completely honest and open to the point of telling stuff we'd never told another soul. We talked every day for a week straight, telling stories about our crazy days. But one thing I can never forgive myself for is that why do we have to fight everyday? Every single time I call you. I know you want me. I know you do. But I have committed myself to someone else. You want me to tell you I like you, right? I do like you, but I don't love you. And dear, I wish you can accept that. Although I don't blame you for that because you don't know. But I don't need to explain a single thing to you. Because I know my limits. It's weird that I don't know you all that well but I still worry about you. I talked to you for a very long exclusive period of time and I don't know if you realize that a lot of the things you said didn't add up. This comes off as a concern to me. I think musically you are brilliant but please watch what is happening around you, and be conscious of what you are making happen to YOU. Because honestly, I don't know if you do. You have to stop being attention seeking. And now, I finally realized that you are not for me. Neither am I for you. You deserve better. Run along, we can still be friends. If that ever makes sense, you wold be my first friend after a more-than-a-friend thingy. You have to stop making it my fault and making me apologise just to feed your ego. You have to accept what you get. Because sweetie, the world doesn't revolve around you and you have great friends. I love you so much as a friend and I hope your situation becomes better, because I know it will one day and I will ALWAYS be there for you, no matter where you are, you can call me. Just don't scold me for something I didn't do.

7) My life changed because of you. Before I met you, I kind of just took life as it came to me. Like Iszwan used to tell me,"Terime aje, ni smue." I can't do that anymore. I have to plan everything out because ever since you, I have become such an anal over paranoid freak. Some days I truly think I'm over you, but I know deep down I never will be. I also on the other hand know we will never be together again. The direction your life is going in, is in the exact opposite of mine. And at this point, and unless that changes, you and I can never be. No matter how much I DON'T want to believe that. No matter how much you have lied to me. And for my petty sake, I simply enough forgive you. I even back you up and make up reasns for you even when you're in the wrong. It's because I used to love you. Just you wait, oh sweetie just you wait. You will fall to my knees when I'm through with you. I cannot believe I actually have so much soul to say nice things to you now. But you'll see.

8) You changed, I used to long to hang out with you, but I don't anymore, that's why I slowly disappeared off the face of the earth in your world. And all you could say was," I think we drifted apart ah. Thats all^^." And all that it is to you, it hurt me real bad. I was on the verge of accepting you like my own. I tried to help you, but you wouldn't let me. Your addictions became out of control and the person you are today isn't the one I used to respect. And you want to know what your addiction is? You raddiction is being famous and feeding your ego of boys on your feet. I know you are trying to help yourself but I just can't believe or trust that right now. For as long as I can remember we haven't gotten a long. During the past year however this increased and it seemed as if you had gone out of your way to take away what little life I had left. I stand up for you whenever I hear someone put you down. But when the tables are turned you go out of your way to express how much of an ignorant idiot I am. You put me down continuously to my face in front of people and show off in front of most. I think you are a manipulative, hypocritical, arrogant, selfish, lazy little shit. I respect your intelligence, but NOTHING ELSE.

th lngest scary sentence.

2008-06-21T14:56:00.000+08:00

my father just got home from fishing and is now chasing me with a sword fish so i pooped my boxers and screamed and jumped off the chair and thus falling backwards and doing so, i kicked the laptop off the table and continued screaming; i was on the verge ofsaying fucking hell but i stopped when i knew it was daddy.

2008-06-21T14:50:00.002+08:00

so im going quotehunting today, and i fortunately ever so fortuntely bumped into something the love of my life has said, here you re, Travis McCoy:

"Funerals are pretty much the worst thing ever, especially when they are completely uncalled for, theres nothing worse then seeing a roomfull of grown men crying, we tend to hold our masculinity in front of us like the shield He-Man had but every now and then there are circumstances were the shield becomes way to heavy to hold, i miss my aunt more than anything, i met a son of hers who is almost my age that i never new existed and it took her passing for us to meet, another thing that amazes me is how i havnt seen most of my family since my cousins funeral 2 years ago on this day, but i'm not complaining as sad as today was i got to see all of my little cousins and laugh at how innocent they are and how they have no clue what death is and that whole "why is she sleeping" thing destroyed me. My cousin Jermaine has a son now, he named him Travis after me, made me smile harder than i have in a long time, this is me with my shield down, the human element still intrigues the fuck out of me. My family means everything to me, my last name is the world to me, as dumb as that sounds, im proud to be a McCoy, and even more proud that today i can say i'm not scared of death, in no way shape or form, i think we miss out on so much in life by being scared of dying, the minute we realize that the shit has to happen, WE START LIVING. So next time you think twice about flying in that plane or whatever it is that freaks you out slap your self in the face and GO FOR THAT SHIT, although i wouldnt suggest placing your radio above the bathtub before taking a bath, im so out of it, well kiddies, this is me saying goodbye for tonight, love your life and your family, you only get one of each, kiss those fucking mirrors, wipe off that stardust, clean your nose up and face the crowd, seacrest -OUT!"

2008-06-21T14:50:00.001+08:00

I kissed a poison woman; her memories eating at my brain,
two-sided single faces.
She left me blind and naked; left me to find my own way home,
following the voices.

I don't understand how you tear down my senses
and I don't like how you're fucking with my head
Say what you will about me.
I sank the bed we slept in.
You're gone and it's getting to my head.

Say you are an angel.
Come tonight to stick the blade into my back...
and through my heart.
She moans...

I've been out of my mind, plagued with a fever
that riddles my bones down to the marrow inside.
And I've been parched so long
that nothing can quench my thirst... like you.

I met a poison woman.
I kissed a poison woman.

I don't understand how you tear down my senses
and I don't like how you're fucking with my head.
Say what you will about me.
I sank the bed we slept in.
You're gone and it's getting to my head

... This lie has killed us slowly, there's just one thing I ask of you.
Don't go.
Please don't go until I do.

2008-06-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

On this bright day I wanna swear, I will always be there by your side. Yes I promise you babe, that i will always treat you right. Cause so many men i know, you're the one that i love so true. Every little thing you did to me, nobody else can do. I do, I do, I do, I do I do love you. I do, I do, I do, I do I do need you. I do, I do, I do, I do I do think about you. Theres nothing more that I want, but you.

Don't keep the problem inside, just tell me and we'll try to fix it up. We gonna go through this together. I'll be there for you anytime you want. Cos so many men i know, you're the only one that i love so true. Every little thing you did to me, nobody else can do.

Just believe what i say. Its not a game i'm trying to play. Never felt this way before. Now I love you more and more.

2008-06-19T19:21:00.000+08:00

i jst need a way to lead me back into love.

2008-06-19T16:19:00.000+08:00

okaye, cnfirm. every person i fall fr, he will b th wrng one. so shittybangbang. im th girl i used to b. i rly am nt. idk wht happened, idk hw it strted. whtvr it is, im pretty sure he's nt th one. sigh frgt it, im gg super single. hehhs, yay. so i went jogging tday. 2 rounds ard th reservoir. w rayhan, my 8 year old brother. buang buang mase aku je tu bdak. kejap kejap nk stop. eeyer! so i told him to sit at one of th benches and wait till i finish jogging my two rounds. in th end, all th way frm the reservoir to my hse, jalan. tk jog sikit pun! monyet. at least i found a shop tht cuts hair for $6. so yeah. thts abt it. ahaahaha.

2008-06-19T00:12:00.000+08:00

i rly cnt beieve, after all this whie, i still trusted you. after yr umpteen times of amature lying, i trust you still. no matter hw many times yve seen me cry cos of you, no matter how many times i told you to leave but kept asking you to come back, you knw hw mch i love you. you lied. i cnt accept tht one fact. you friggin' lied to me, back to back sessions too! and w all yr lame excuses, which of cos, i let it roll by. my friends tell me yre th worst. i back you up bcus i love you. i stuck ard you to feed yr friggin ego. do you rly hve nth to say fr yrslf to defend you here? bfre i went it, after i got out, you never changed. and you promised you wld. i kept telling myself im nt good enough fr you which is why yre nvr taking me seriously. and nw, i think tht YRE the one whos not good enough fr me. but i knw, im only stating all this down due to my anger and frustration. i knw im a fool in love w love. im not in love w you. so fack you, la, okaye? idk wht to say to you. im rly nt gg to tlk to you anymre lah nasir. i cnt stand you and yr lies anymre. i rly cnt lah. whn i ask you to meet me, to satisfy my missing you, you ask me whts in store fr you. is thr anytime whr you will ever wnt to love me, be true to me, realise hw mch i love you, i cry everytime. at least appreciate me.

2008-06-18T10:33:00.000+08:00

Nasir Ali:

i love you mountains and i'll say it every waking day of my life. i love you in depth and ive turned blue eversince. you're an extraordinary attraction. you blend imperfections smoothly. i am ever so overwhelmed to each and every sacrifice you made just so we could go back to square one. i adore your adorable words. that you didn't realise what you slumbered was cute. when i misses you hills, i'll lay down in bed. definite hallucinations of your smell tickling my nose. you're the only person i look forward to every second the clock ticks. when you are right beside me, smelling your shoulder blade is the only thing i'd do. and i'll bite hard because i know it hurts. sometimes i'd catch glances, it makes me merry. you have pretty eye features, i want some of your eyelashes. having food with you is one of my favourites too. it chuckles me seeing you having a running nose and drinking lots of fluids when you ate spices. why i've become obsessive, why i've become posessive. i couldn't answer my question either. you're special and you captured my whole heart. i love you over the moon and stars.

2008-06-18T09:32:00.000+08:00

So today, I remembered I dreamt that I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. And I swore I could've seen the meaning to life when I saw his eyes. But during my whole dream, I never saw a man beside me acting as a father, I don't know what it meant. But I didn't question myself, nor did it even crossed my mind. I was a teenage mom actually, I was at this age, prolly a little older. About 19, 20? And my mom didn't say a word about it. And the best part is, I don't even remember giving birth, I don't remember even feeling any pain of giving birth, I don't even remember having a big tummy. But I somehow knew that baby was MY baby. I protected him and I brought him everywhere with me, and with much embarassment to say this, I even rememberied feeding him milk. I brought him to the shop, I brought him home, basically everywhere I went. And then I woke up. So I went to the net and got everything I could find.

First was the baby part:
To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. Babies may symbolize something in your own inner nature which is pure, vulnerable, and/or uncorrupted. Babies may represent an aspect of yourself that is vulnerable and helpless. If you dream that you forgot you had a baby, then it suggests that you are trying hide your own vulnerabilities; You do not want to let others know of your weaknesses.

To dream that you or someone is having a baby, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents new beginnings or some upcoming event. A more direct interpretation of this dream, may represent your desires/ anxieties of giving birth or the anticipation for such an event to occur.

Then, it was security/protection:
To dream that you have a sense of security, suggests that you may be experiencing much insecurity in your waking life. The dream is compensating for your lack of security. You need to feel well-protected, both physically and emotionally.

Then, it was the shock:
To dream that you receive a shock, represents a sudden awakening and new awareness.

Also, my mother's presence:
To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection. Some people may have problems freeing themselves from their mothers and are thus seeking their own individuality and development.

To dream that you are having a conversation with your mother, denotes a matter that has preoccupied your mind and you are not sure how to deal with it in your waking life. It indicates unresolved problems that still need to be worked out with your mother.

Then the feeding of milk:
To dream that you are breast feeding, symbolizes tenderness, love, nurturance, and motherly love. Good things will be at your grasp.

To see someone nursing or dream that you are nursing, suggests that you are nurturing a hidden aspect of yourself.

If a woman dreams she is nursing a baby, she will be deceived by the one she trusts the most.

Me and momma, being perfectly fine about it:
To dream that you are calm, denotes a fulfilling life. You will find contentment and satisfaction in what you have.

Baby sleeping:
To see others sleeping, is often a reflection of yourself and your own unconscious mind. It is indicative of how you may not be alert or informed about a particular situation.

Sleeping may also be synonymous with death in that it beckons renewal and new beginnings.

I think that's all I can find for now.
Source: www.dreammoods.com

2008-06-18T08:54:00.000+08:00

I fear, sometimes, you do not love me so much as I wished but, anything for the man of my dreams, I love you more than ever and ever and without reserve. The more I have known you the more have I loved. In every way - even my jealousies have been agonies of love, in the hottest fit I ever had I would have died for you. I have vexed you too much. But can I ever help it? You are always new. The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest; the last movement the most graceful. Maybe you'd think that I love yu because of your position in society. Have I nothing else then to love in you but that? Don't I see a heart naturally furnished with wings imprison itself within me? No ill prospect has been able to turn your thoughts a moment from me. This perhaps should be as much a subject of sorrow as joy - but I will not talk about it. Even if you did not love me I could not help an entire devotion to you: how much more deeply then must I feel for you knowing you love me. My mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it. I never felt my mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment - upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of the window: you always concentrate my whole senses. The anxiety shown about my love for you in your last post is an immense pleasure to me; however you must not suffer such speculations to molest you any more: nor will I any more believe you can have the least pique against me. So easily to say, I love you so much, I don't know what I would ever do if you hadn't present yourself. But now, I realise that I'm nothing compared to every other girl you've met, seen, dated, set eyes on, liked, loved. I know I'm not good enough for a guy like you. Every other girl wants you. And that just gives me another reason to back down from trying my best to show you how much I really love and care for you. I'm just a girl afterall, nothing but Plain Jane. Will you ever see how much I love you? It's been the longest winter without you. I didn't know where to turn to. See somehow I can't forget you. After all that we've been through. Thinking that I deserve it, now I realise that I really didn't know. If you didn't notice, you mean everything. Quickly I'm learning to love again. All I know is I'm going to be okay. Thought I couldn't live without you. It's going to hurt when it heals too. And even though I really love you, I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to. It'll all get better in time. I couldn't turn on the TV without something there to remind me. Was it all that easy to just put aside your feelings? If I'm dreaming, I don't want to let it hurt my feelings. But that's the path I believe in, and I know that time will heal it. Since there's no more you and me, it's time I let you go so I can be free and live my life how it should be. No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you. A silly little connection between love and me is that when I get a little, I want just a little more. And when I get a little more, I desire just about everything else. But in times when I lose it all, I realise that 'less' was enough.

2008-06-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

I dont need me a player; all I need is somebody thats down for me. And he dont have to have money, his love is just like honey; its so sweet to me. He can have everything in this world but he'll sacrifice it all for me. And I made up my mind, Im in love this time. And it feels so real, and I know that he wont break my heart. And I know that we wont ever part. Its time, time for us to settle down. And I wna be with him forever. They can say that I am crazy for making him my baby but, that's how it's gone be. See I done been through many changes but, this one I aint changing. It's gna stay the same. I can have everything in this world but I'll sacrifice it all for him. And I made up my mind Im in love this time, and it feels so real. I love you and all of the things that you do. Oh baby pleaseI need you. So believe me, I do. Cause I love you and every little thing baby. They don't know how I feel, cause I know this is real.

2008-06-17T15:22:00.000+08:00

"Who was your last?"
1. Had beer with?
hilmi.
2. Went to the movies with?
iszwan.
3. Went to the mall with?
iszwan.
4. Talked on the phone with?
akimbby.
5. Made you laugh?
my gfs :D
6.You hugged?
nasir.
WOULD YOU RATHER...?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
been there done tht to both.
2. Be serious or be funny?
both.
3. Drink whole or skim milk?
i dnt like milk.
4. Die in a fire or get shot?
shot.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon?
moon.
fall.
3. Left or right?
right.
4. Sunny or rainy?
rainy.
5. Peach or Pear?
BOTH!
6. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut
it?
i hate spaghetti?
7. Do You Cook?
yes.
8. Current mood?
bored.
IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone?
nasir.
2. Sang?
singing.
3. Been hugged?
ytd.
4. Danced Crazy?
today.
5. Cried
just now.

2008-06-17T13:01:00.000+08:00

The longest way to say a simple I love you. Haha, enjoy. I hope it makes sense to you guys as much as it did to me. Here goes.

Mystery the moon, a hole in the sky. A supernatural nightlight, so full but often right. A pair of eyes a closin' one, a chosen child of golden sun. A marble dog that chases cars to farthest reaches of the beach and far beyond into the swimming sea of stars.

A cosmic fish they love to kiss; they're giving birth to constellation. No riffs and oh no reservation, if they should fall you get a wish or dedication. May I suggest you get the best for nothing less than you and I. Let's take a chance as this romance is rising over before we lose the lighting. Oh baby baby please. Baby you beautiful luna. Oh baby do what you do.

You are an illuminating anchor of leagues to infinite number. Crashing waves and breaking thunder, tiding the ebbing flows of hunger. You're dancing naked there for me, you expose all memory, you make the most of boundary. You're the ghost of royalty imposing love. You are the queen and king combining everything intertwining like a ring around the finger of a girl. I'm just a singer, you're the world. All I can bring you, is the language of a lover. Baby luna, my beautiful. How you swoon me like no other. May I suggest you get the best of your wish, may I insist that no contest for little you or smaller I. A larger chance happened, all them they lie on the rise, on the brink of our lives. Baby please, baby you beautiful luna. Oh baby do what you do. Baby luna, my beautiful. How you swoon me like no other.

2008-06-15T21:48:00.001+08:00

i dnt wnt you to see me as a girl who's rough and tough and everything in between. i rly wnt you to see me as a little girl in need of all your love and attention. i wnt to b seen as fragile at heart sharp in th eyes. i wnt us to go bck to square one. i wnt to b seen as sensitive and fragile to you. i dnt wnt to b seen as a very rough girl w piercings please? i rly wna b w you. dnt you knw? dnt you realise? im trying my best to chnge fr you. please dnt push me away. im trying my best. i cry every night bfre i sleep thinking why does this happen to me. why cnt i b perfect in yr eyes. i knw wht i did in th past was wrong. but i wnt you to see tht ive changed and tht ive been waiting for you all this while. i rly wna see you again and again and again. im trying to impress you. i feel very insecure. its like you tell me you love me but at th same time yre jst pretending. im rly scared. theres this little thing about you tht keeps coming back for more. i wnt to talk to you everyday. i wnt to kiss and hug you everyday. i wnt to tll you i love you every second. but im scared. im afraid. im afraid of rejection. im afraid you dnt wnt me. so please? i beg of you.

2008-06-15T20:36:00.000+08:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a guy like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a guy like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a guy like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a guy like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

2008-06-15T15:38:00.000+08:00

Life once had a meaning, and once i felt safe. But that was only a once upon time. I'm sorta between feeling wide-awake and feeling sleepy. My eyes don't feel like shutting themselves together.But my migraines are pumping hard in my brains again. Its been a rough week. But I'm keeping myself together. My friends are constantly reminding me that i'm more than that. That these are all just minor issues which i can easily handle. Guessed i lost myself for awhile. Its been a really rough rough rough week. Juggling between the piling amount of school work and my own social life. I'm confused about how i feel. I'm confused with the things i hear. I'm afraid of the rejection and running off track of perfection la. Factual or not. I'm gonna just let it fly by me. Its pulling me apart similar to the way it once did in my past. But i still stood strong for it. It's prolly high time i had thought thoroughly about my own happiness and prioritise mine over doing it for others. I finally feel that my brother is taking me and my Art seriously. I feel kind of happy that Didi actually recommended me to SOTA(School Of The Arts). I already did my research on such beautiful art schools. Which only exist in 3 names, LaSella, NAFA, SOTA. Sadly, SOTA requires students to wear a uniform. So SOTA is SOTAtotally outta my league. But the school fees for these kinds of schools are getting me worried. I was thinking of working part time to help pay my fees. I figured that, thats what Didi had in mind too. Yesterday was a tearful day. Everything started crashing down around me. One for one, piece for piece, chunk for chunk. I wished you really knew what you wanted. Not what you thought you did. Time only moves one way. And for the silly things that you choose to do, and the silly thing i choose to do is to walk away from you. The time span left is slowly decreasing. And sadly, thats the only time left I'm going to be myself. I guess when school reopens, I'm turning a new chapter in this book. This book needs a new cover, a new story line, new villains, new heroes, new hopes and dreams. Sorry i left you guys in shock. I love you people. Remember that one thing will never change. Though i fear what the future has for me. I'll be fine :)

2008-06-15T15:27:00.000+08:00

It gets really boring at home. So I decided to do this instead.Hah, and next, Im going to get some stuff.Post later Waszup ;]

1. Do you eat a lot of fast food?
seldom ahr.

2. Can you execute an acceptable
cartwheel?
too fat, cnnt.

3. Have you kissed anyone in 2008?
yes?

4. Were you happy when you woke up
today?
no, heavy hangover.

5. Would you kiss the last person
you kissed again?
why, certainly, i think i'll get my sugar tomorrow.

6. Are you an understanding person?
whn i get very serious, i understand alot. hahaha. so if you did smth wrng, try to talk me into serious business and try to tlk as if you sound smart, tht's a trick.

7. What was the last movie you saw
in theaters?
some malay horror movie.

8. Did you pray before you went to
bed last night?
i didnt pray but i said my prayers till i fell asleep.

9.What did you last get upset about?
didi not bringing me to sentosa w his friends.

10.Do you eat candy on a daily basis?
hahaha you'll very rarely see me eat sweets.

11. Do you have a crush?
no, but i love someone. does tht mke him a lover?

12. Does it make you happy to get
letters in the mail?
if its fines and stuff tht i ever get, fr wht lah, i dnt see th point!

13. Who was the last person to text
you?
dnt recall.

14. What are you looking forward to?
sentosa w th girls tml.

15. Who was the last person you ate with?
le familia.

16. Besides your lips, where is
your favorite spot to get kissed?
forehead. i rly strt to think serious whn someone kisses my forehead.

19. Walking into a party, what's the
first thing you notice?
the noisy makciks.

20. Are you currently taking a science
class in school?
3 SOME MORE!

21. You've just won a free vacation to
either South America or North Korea.
North Korea.

22. Kiss on the first date?
always guilty of it.

23.Would you rather have chicken or
steak?
steak.

24. Why did your last relationship end?
he started it!

26. Who was the last person you took a
picture of?
didi.

27. How often do you see your exes?
uhr, once in a blue moon.

28. Who was the last baby you held?
my little brother.

2008-06-15T01:39:00.000+08:00

fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
th feeling of being afraid of rejection is here. and its not gg anywhere.

2008-06-14T18:16:00.000+08:00

i s-s-s-so love my friendster profile. hahas, esp th song. favourite seh tu! okaye, i smetimes wnder why i even blog whn no one comes to read. HAHA, nvmind, evn bette if no one comes, no spammer and stuff. yay me. but wtvr it is, im sorta happy? i hve nth to complain abt tday. idk if i cn take all this happiness.

2008-06-14T18:01:00.000+08:00

hie, im tash. and i was born on th 32nd in th month 13th. i rly am an unlucky child. wazzup [;

2008-06-12T14:28:00.001+08:00

hi testing.

2008-06-12T13:55:00.001+08:00

hi. sorry steph, i stole yr skin.

2008-06-12T00:13:00.000+08:00

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going, coming, thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna let
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

2008-06-11T23:33:00.001+08:00

I ain't gonna cry no and I won't beg you to stay. If you're determined to leave boy, I will not stand in your way.

2008-06-11T16:14:00.000+08:00

So jyeah Im selling my camera, as youve heard. So here's a pic and review of it. I got th review off th net.

CAMERA DETAILS

Advantages: easy to use, with fantastic results
Disadvantages: lens removal button too easy to press

This camera is the Minolta Dynax 300si to give its full title! On looking at the camera, it looks pretty daunting to someone who is used to three button cameras! One button to remove the lens cap and one button to turn on the flash, and one to take the picture! Despite the 8 (?) buttons I carried on regardless and examined the camera in detail.

On further examination of the camera it is not so difficult to figure out how to use it. There is the ‘lock/on’ button which in short turns the camera on or off so you can take photographs! This is actually a sliding switch rather than a button – so it would be difficult to switch on accidentally, a bonus for me as this is something I do quite often!

Mode Button
The ‘mode’ button which allows you to toggle on the small screen between the type of photographs you want to take,
The modes are:
 Portrait – ideal for taking full frame photographs of people, illustrated by the woman’s face on the LCD screen. The resulting photographs really are warts and all; you can pick up that tiny pimple on someone’s nose.

 Sports Action mode – helps to capture fast action by using faster shutter speeds. The camera also boasts continuous auto focus and predictive auto focus, so you can keep a moving object or person in focus all the time. This mode is depicted by a running figure on the LCD screen. I have found this to be a great asset to the camera; I have many many shots that are blurred due to objects moving, which has been a great disappointment. With this camera I now have some excellent shots of Thomas the Tank Eng
ine and his friends coming into the station!

 Close up mode – this as the name suggests aides the photographer to capture close up objects with ease. Mode depicted by a large tulip on the LSD screen.

 Night Portrait mode – when this mode is used in conjunction with the flash, the camera sets a slower shutter speed to compensate and balance the flash with the existing light. The results when photographing someone against a dark cityscape using this mode are truly breathtaking. It is almost as if you can reach out and take hold.

 Landscape mode – allows you to take landscape photos or group photos.

Timer Button
The timer button – very easy to use, set the camera up and focus, depress the capture button and dash in front of the camera – and hopefully a lovely picture of you will emerge. This actually worked! I didn’t count how many seconds it took to actually take the picture, all I know is I didn’t have any unflattering or otherwise photos of my bum when I collected the photos!

Focusing
There is a button in the bottom right front (you still with me) of the camera with ‘AF/M’ on it. This gives you the option to focus the camera automatically hence the ‘AF’ or manually ‘M’. I must admit to using the automatic function. When the manual focus is selected ‘mfocus’ appears in the LCD window of the camera – it is also possible to tell, as when you half depress the ‘shoot’ button, the camera doesn’t ‘focus’.

The other button on the front of the camera is a large easy to press button, which actually detaches the lens from the body of the camera! This is the only major fault I can find with the camera – in that it is too obviously placed and easily pressed. Having said that you do have to twist the lens to remove it, so if you do accidentally press the button, there is no danger to your t
oes or wallet from a falling lens!

Capture button – this is the button you press to actually take a photo. If you depress the button halfway you will hear the motor in the camera moving and focusing the lens, you will also see a green light come on when the lens is focused. You can then press the button all the way down to take you photograph.

Flash button – this as it sounds activates the flash status, either automatic flash, no flash or manually activated flash. I am still using the camera on automatic flash and as yet have bought no acessories.

Red eye button – this is to reduce or eliminate the red eye effect you often see on photographs. To select simply press and you will the ‘red eye’ icon on the LCD screen – to switch off simply press the button again until the icon disappears. I have yet to use this function – as I have never had its facility before. I have been very impressed with the lack of ‘red eye’ in the photos I have so far taken with it.

The camera takes any standard 35mm film – I prefer Kodak myself and have achieved some outstanding photos – of which I am very proud. Inserting the film is very easy, flip the easy to manipulate catch on the side of the camera, insert the cartridge into the camera – pull out a small amount to cover the spindles on the opposite side, then shut the door. You will hear the camera wind the film on itself. To remove, wait until the film has finished rewinding itself – which it does automatically once the last possible photo has been taken. Open the door and remove the cartridge. It is possible to rewind a film even if you haven’t finished taking a photo; a very small button on the bottom of the camera is pressed to activate this.

The camera is powered by one 6 volt 2CR5 lithium battery, claimed by the manufacturers to last up to 70 twenty four exposure films. I have taken 12 rolls of film so far and my father in law a fair few also and the battery indicator is still full!

The shape of the camera makes it a little difficult to fit in a hand bag or ruck sack, as the protruding lens catches in straps. The neck strap on the camera is of good length however and has a handy shoulder piece to stop it sliding off your shoulder. The camera is fairly lightweight and is not that intrusive to carry. A camera that takes some stunning photographs in a diverse range of situations, an ideal camera for a beginner.

LENS DETAILS

prod. code : 2652-100
coverage : Full frame
max. aperture : 3.5-4.5
min. aperture : 22-32
focal range : 35 - 70 mm
elements/group : 7/7
angle of view : 63,4 - 34,3
aperture blades : 7
minimum focus distance : 500 mm
filter rotate when focusing : Yes
filter rotate when zooming : No
max. magnification : 1/6.6
focus design : front
min. length : 63 mm
max. length : 77 mm
filter diameter : 49, front mm
hood : bayonet, round
weight : 220 g
color :black

Okay thts all. Th camera is being sold for 200 U.K Pound and if converted to SGD, it'll b SGD535.1874. And being th nice person tht I am, Im not only selling th camera but th bag and lens too. If you go to Far East Plaza and ask fr th Minolta DYNAX 300si bag, he'll show you an upside down triangular shaped bag. Which is quite costly. Up to SGD90-120. And th lens is 90USD which is SGD123.453. So if I were to sell it to you at CP, it'd b SGD535.20 + SGD100 + SGD123.50 =SGD758.70. So, due to my desperation for money and being th nice person tht I am, I'm selling th camera and th bag and th lens for a worthy price of SGD600 (save $158.70). Both th camera and its lens are still in good condition. And th bag too. Never used before. And Im not charging a penny fr th battery. It costs only abt SGD10. And, fr th gift of a good friend, selected people can still negotiate. Oh, and you dnt hve to pay at one go. Peace Yo.oY

2008-06-11T01:48:00.000+08:00

so mny girls gna say tht they wnt you,
to try to get you thnking they rly care,
bt thrs nth like th warmth of th one
who hs put in th time and you knw shes gna b thr,
back yr border whn he knws someone hs crossed it,
dnt let nobdy put you dwn, who yr w
tke th pain of protcting yt name,
frm th crtch to th pain to th highwire.

im in lve w a boy who knws me btta,
fll fr th man jst th moment i met him,
took my sweet time whn i ws bitter,
smeone undrstnds,
and he knws hw to treat a girl right,
give me tht feeling evrynight,
wnts to mke love whn i wna fight,
nw smeone undrstnd me,
im in love w a boy

Out the many broken backdoors and windows,
Through the valley of the love of the lost,
is a hole tht is cut thru th souls of flling sould
frm th thrones w/o leaving any wndows,
bt you drwn in a piece fr th momnt,
th momnt was ovr in time,
thn its gone th hit and run th tactless one hs a shrt life

gna tll you wht you do to thnk you prctice wht you preach,
nk i knw thrs nth we cnt preach,
cs th heart cnt erasa once it fnds a plce to b wrm and wlcome,
to b held in shlter.

i love you, i do.

2008-06-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

Okaye, thrs a list of thing I need.

Whole head extensions
New clothes
Cap
Fake lashes

~~Eyebrow razor~~

A boy to impress

But all I need now is No. 1, cs I rly need it.

ps, ive been trying to impress you but you dnt seem to notice me.

2008-06-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

I need some inspiration. Im kinda depressed and down. Cmon world, inspire me!

2008-06-09T20:02:00.000+08:00

idk. mybe its jst female intuition. i cnt lve you if i nvr did frm th beginning. but i do feel hw you feel. i missed hving a guy to hug. a guy to kiss. a guy to read me lke a book w flipping pages always knwing whn smth's amiss. i do wnt you i rly do. im sry i had to do this to you. its jst tht id bettr let go nw bfre you get hurt mre right? idk. sorry so much. its so hard fr me to breathe. w whts been gg on w my family, w my mom, my dad, my brthrs, my frends, my clssmtes, sch, work, w boys and evrything else in btwn. sriously speakng, thrs jst rly no air. i cnt tke it. i need smeone to listen to me and my nnsnse and you seem like th perfect prson to tll all my life to. but im sry i actd so harsh on you. i jst didnt knw hw to tll you tht i wnt you to listn. i rly dnt. i nd thm to knw. i dnt hve my own money. i dnt hve a stable life. im growing. im trying to find myself. i need smeone to hear me out. to listn to me. to go smwer quiet w me. to let me cry on their shlder. i rly hope you'll undrstnd. im so sorry. i really am. i dnt like getting angry at you all th time, i rly feel its a big mistake.

to dear you,
i wnt to tll you i love you. every second every minute. i wnt to shout at you tlling you hw mch i wnt to take you in. oh gosh, its rly rly fantasizing jst to think of hw mch my lve fr you cn grw to. i wnt to stare into th rain w you till all th clouds disappear. i wna scream out in th dark w you thinking no one else wld hear. i was leaving fr a plc tainted by y pass, on this winding road to you. i lost my faith in lve, bt last night i believe again. my heart ws a broken plc, and nw it feels hme again. you bring me honesty and thts wht brings me in. i nt wnt to keep looking bck. im craving fr th love i see in yr eyes. you kinda crept up into me by surprise. nw thrs a voice inside my heart, its gt me wndering. i love th way it feels whn you are tlling me tht im th only one who blws yr mind. its like th whle wrld stops to listen whn you tll me yre in lve. you knw jst hw to get me, you tlk abt us like thrs no end in sight. th thing abt me is tht i rly wna let you open th door and wlk into my life. it feels like, its th first time, tht anybdy ever brought th sun w/o th rain. i nvr in my whle life hve i heard words as beautiful as whn you say my name.

2008-06-07T22:41:00.000+08:00

Certain events have been occuring lately. Some good. And mostly bad of course. But oh well. Life is about taking the highs with the lows. I remember someone reminding me once,"These are just the ABC's of life". Though i'm not working anymore, I'm still not much of an avid blogger. Next, friends and family have been constantly asking me about my problems and if i pity my parents. Shld I pity thm when i dnt get pity myself? yes. i know. there's alot of hassle involved. Sigh. Hello tomorrow & what lies ahead...

So i told myself,
"If your meant to have it,then yr meant to have it. If not,its about moving on & finding other possibilities. Life is an obstacle. But never give up. People will endlessly bring you down. But tell yourself its alright. Let them & God take what they want. Just be patient and learn from it. Good things come to those who wait. Just don't take too long there."

2008-06-07T22:40:00.000+08:00

I hte hving secrts. It's why I lve knwing thm so mch. They eat away at me. If I cld tll evryone evryth abt me rght nw, knwing tht they wldn't jdge me or hate me fr
crtain thngs I've dne, I'd pblish an awful novel tht no one wld read anyws, bcs, who th fck am I, rght?

2008-06-07T22:36:00.002+08:00

For Every Moment
Times like this,I wished i was there beside you
Times like this,i wished today never came
& yesterday was still my present
Times like this,i wished i had held on longer
long enough to last me a lifetime
Times like this..
I wished the clock would stop ticking
For the wait of tomorrow is killing me inside
Times like this,left me with yesterday's memories
Times like this,I begged the One above
to take me instead of you..
But because of times like this,
I learned to cherish you more..
But when im with you,
it makes me angry and frustrated
that you keep comparing me and telling me what to do.
Is that what i get.
everytime you open your mouth, you order
and boss me around.
You might be my parents but
you're not my owner.
You don't own me.

AND MAYBE, YOU SHOULD READ THIS OUT LOUD TO ME! INSTEAD OF READING MY DIARY AND SAYING IT CAME FRM MY HEART. THERE YOU GO, FRM THE BLOODY HEART! EVERYWHERE I GO, LOCKED DOOR OR NOT, THERES JUST YOU WATCHING ME. WATCH ME BATHE IF YOU WOULD. YOU FAILED BEING A PARENT TO ME, BUT YRE A GUARDIAN ANGEL TO MY STUPID BROTHERS. WHAT IS IT W PARENTS AND SONS THESE DAYS! IF THATS TH CASE, NEXT TIME YOU GIVE LIFE TO A GIRL, THROW HER AWAY. PLEASE AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

2008-06-07T22:36:00.001+08:00

everything's just so demanding. mentally and physically challenging. let's just say i'm on the rocks right now, and i don't want to hit rockbottom just yet. i'm not blaming anyone for it. i haven't been this scared in a long time, and i'm so unprepared. i must admit, i saw it coming and i ignored. i am ever so exhausted, dear god. i need some help out here. i beg you for strength and faith to pull me through this growing up phase. it's either i lack the mental or physical stamina or this is just too much for me to handle. i'd love to surrender and choose the latter. but this is not a game where i call the shots, to play or to call it quits. nonetheless, i believe it's mind over matter. i control my mind, and i vow not to led it astray. i dont really know what i want, and how i want it. i just need assurance, not from anyone else, but myself, i need a friend to listen to me cry, a person whom i can talk to and tell my life to just like the pages in a diary, i just need someone to hold onto; be it boy or girl. i just need more time to adapt to the new surrounding or so, i choose to believe. this kind of change doesn't happen overnight, anyway. mom says not to use the net anymore. do i look like i care? im using it and he's there watching me being rebellious and ignoring everything he says. ah, i manage to make myself feel alot better. i'm starting to restore my confidence. the wonders of technology, sweet.

phrase of the day:
th path tht you choose only leads to finding yourself.

you can make it a good point or a bad point.
you guys work it out your own bloody selves.

2008-06-07T22:32:00.000+08:00

Shy Away
Lately,I've been having dark clouds of insecurities surrounding me. I haven't felt this way in a long time.Its drifting me away from the clarity i once had planted deep down inside me.They say,"Good decisions are made with the head and the heart". We actually make better decisions when we use our conscious mind together with our unconscious mind. But what if my conscious mind is making the decision for my unconscious heart?

Your every move haunts me
I can't be bothered with what people have to say about me or who they intend to pass my number to.Things like these are really beginning to get old for me.Like me or not.I'm not here to impress you.Shut your trap seriously.But oh then again.Thanx for selling my life stories to others ;) wazzuuppp.

2008-06-07T22:28:00.002+08:00

yknw, its been pretty hard on my single/dating friends lately. and i rly dnt knw whts gg on. everyday they wake up hoping to die. and they nvr sleep wishing tml wld b okay. it jst never does. day after day, heartbreak after heartbreak, they all dnt knw wht exactly they get themselves into until they're rly face to face w th concequences. so this goes out to my single friends. Eeraa! this one's fr you.

to every girl that is scared to put her heart out there again because she has been hurt too many times or so badly. to every girl that has been cheated on, because she's not a slut who gives it up to any boy. to every girl that dresses cute, not skanky. to every girl who wants to be called beautiful, not hot. to every girl that would die to have a decent boyfriend. to every girl who would just once like to be treated like a princess. to every girl that cries at night because of another disappointment. to every girl that won't get down on her knees and open her mouth just to get a boyfriend.

to everygirl that just wants to hold hands. to every girl that kisses him with meaning. to every girl who just wishes he cared more. to every girl who would just once want a boy to give their jacket up when they are cold. to every girl who lies awake at night thinking about him. to every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing in return. to every girl that thought" maybe this one could be the one ".

to every girl that laughs at stupid stuffs when she actually doesn't think it's funny. to every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way. to every girl that doesn't want a boy who just plays with her emotions but actually cares about how she feels. to every girl who wants words backed up with actions. to every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end. to every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face. to every girl that has faith that" tomorrow will be a better day ".

and to every boy out ther abt to break my friends' hearts, two words fr you baby;
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck you.

2008-06-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

'shld i give up or shld i jst keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere'

and mayb, jst mayb, im missing you alittle too mch. imysm and you hve no idea bout it. no doubt bout it, i hve a little crush on you. but you didnt cre one little bit. oh, it mstve been a miracle fr me to hve stayed tht long w someone who treated me so bad. i wnder whts gtten into you. i wnder whts gotten into ME. irdk if i love you or if its jst anthr fling thing. which is exactly why i nvr turned to any of my friends bout th mattr. afraid to confirm love as it is, embarassed to see it break infrnt of everyone. idk where, who or what to turn to. but one thing fr sure, i rly wnt to love you and shower you w lavish and luxurious love. yes, its kinda tough and yes, its not gg to make me a better person. but wht is a girl to do. a girl so in love tht is. so gyeah back to topic, it was rly shcking whn you said you rly rly fell in lve w me this time. but one thing i missed th most is me putting makeup on you and thn wiping it off ever so gently to not hurt you. thn i wld put lotion on yr face and whn i touch you, i cry bcus i didnt wna lose you and i wnted to stay tht way frever. but will it ever b th same again? idk. i jst tht whn i get out, things will b better fr th both of us. mybe, jst mybe i rly do love you.

Love, Tash Parawhore.

'don't find love, let love find you. that's why it's called falling in love,
because you don't force yourself to fall, you just fall with fate.'

2008-06-06T12:08:00.000+08:00

i hve to get alot of things. really alot. most importantly, i need to go get extensions! so it'll prolly cost me ard less thn 50 to get th whole head done. th previous exensions i got sucked like hell. like so much. but its okay, i'll go bck to tht bloody same shop and get it done again. i'll go get 40 hair extensions! which will cost me 32 dollars. so im getting like th whole head. idk wht it'll look like but i hpe it looks good. stupid fucking shop. or better yet, i dnt get extensions and stay looking like this. ala idk lah, later when i hve the 32 bucks, i decide. okay okay?

2008-06-05T12:29:00.000+08:00

things i'll b wanting:

hair!
new clothes (dress/tees/and such)
new shorts (mayb we shld all go get hipster hot pants)
new hair stuff.

ahr wtvr, now this is all i need.

2008-06-04T18:31:00.000+08:00

so so so, he cme over tday. jyeah okay wtvr lah. so mean yknw he, tday. wtvr lah you nut. but its okay. hahahaha.

2008-06-03T21:17:00.000+08:00

idk, irdk. sighsighsighsighsigh, commitments commitments. mega sigh. this is getting very out of hand. okay yknw wht, i think, ima strt letting it go. let it all go slowly. so slowly, you wnt b surprised at th final decision.

2008-06-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

my whole family has gone crazy; literally evrybody.
dad - runs ard chasing th cat and runs whn th cat chases him
mom - talks to th cat
didi - getting white chicks
rayhan - kissing th cat, talking to th cat, addressing himself as 'abang' w th cat
me - as per normal, im never normal :D

so jyeah. wht is up w cats these days. my god. holy guacemoley. sigh, nvmind thn.

2008-06-03T16:22:00.000+08:00

nasir:
ive been th rebound, th challnge, th fllbck, and th date. ive been th mstake, and th corrction. regrdless of my pst, you lved me fr wht ive been and wht i am, whre ive been and where i am. no kisses undr th mistletoe, no kisses at midnight beneath th fireworks. nt tht i cldnt fnd a million gys to kiss, bt i wnt to wait fr you. i lve you, nt mayb, nt tml, nt smeday, right now, at ths very momnt, i realizd smth. i need you. i trst you, i admre you, i wnt you. and you cn b wrng alot of times, and we cn fight, and gt mad at each oth, bt nth, nth in ths wrld cn chnge th fct tht i lve you. in cse you hvnt noticd, yre tht boy tht no mtter hw mny mre boys i go thu, i'll alwys hve a thing fr you. whn i count my blssings, i count you thrice. chnces are, i'll see you smewer in my dreams tonite. youll b smiling lke th day we'll meet. nw i dnt like using wrds like frevr, cs frevr nvr cmes ard, bt i will lve you till th end of tday. and in th mrning whn i rmembr evrythng tht you are, i knw i'll fll fr you all ovr again. bt in th situation we're in right nw, i gt vr insecure. myb its you, myb its me. myb its th passing time. i cn and will mve on. myb i ald hve. bt i will stp to check and i will still have hpes we'd see each oth again. i knw you didnt say anythng to me. i jst lke to prepare fr th wrst. you see, im vry pessimstic. id rly like to thank you this mch eventho we're nt ovr. youve mde a drastic chnge in my life. bt i gss, smtimes, we mst b hurt in ordr to grw; fail in ordr to knw; lse in ordr to gain; simply bcs, some lessons are betta taught thru pain.

this is fr you, nasir, th one person i cn tell my soul to. whom i cn laugh w to no extent, who i cn cry to whn times are tough and rough and who will help me w th problems of my life. you nvr turned yr bck on me or told me i wasnt gd enuf, let alone let me dwn. you hve gone thru so mch pain and you stll hve time fr me and i adore you for listening evn whn inside yre dying. and i look up to you bcs yre strong, and caring and humble, althou yre nt to yr friends. i hope tht yknw tht im always here to listn to you laugh and cry and help in all th ways tht i cn, jst as mch as you hve done fr me. i hope you knw tht i wldnt b th prson i am now, w/o you. thxz fr being th friend who's alwys believd in me, who's alwys undrstood, who's alwys accpted me, who's alwys cared.i wld lve to updte anthr paragrph abt you dear, but i hve assignmnts awaiting for commitments. yes, it's hard and uhr, i think we both nw whr and wht im supposed to b doing nw.

im jst an ordinary person;
idk which way to go cos im an ordinary person.
maybe i shld tke it slow.
i'll pass th infatuation phse.
i knw i msbhve and you mke mstkes.
bt its okay, we're only human, baby.

2008-06-03T16:16:00.000+08:00

okay so i hve a little time alone here, i figured mybe i shld strt psting wht i rly feel. sigh, its gna b a looooooooong day yup.

2008-06-03T10:45:00.000+08:00

sigh, idk whts been up w me lately. i jst dnt seem to get in th mood all th time. oh yknw, like i used to go get all freaky whilst dg surveys. but nw, i dnt see th point. wth is wrng w me. ive been stuck on nuts. smebdy help? oh and ps, i got a rly modette haircut and im getting extensions. so gyeah. wtvr.

2008-06-02T18:41:00.000+08:00

haha, i rly dnt knw why but i keep thinking of him. a very unexpected him sia. hahahah even i didnt expect it. but idk lah. its okay ald. i shall shut up and keep on shutting up :D